in the middle of the night....

To whom it may concern,
Do you know the feeling of sitting in bed at 1:15 AM with all the intentions of drifting off into a comfortable slumber but you just can't help but to stay awake? I think it might have something to do with my DVR not recording the last minute of GLEE tonight... or maybe that my current boyfriend is listed as "single" on myspace... who even uses myspace? or maybe that I hit leg with the rake when I was helping my mom with her gardening... why don't I own band aids? it's probably my impending finals and that terrible feeling that I won't like my grades this semester... I never go to class... attendance is 10% of the grade... I already have a B... probably that I am not going to be able to pay my rent for May until the middle of June.. my landlord is not going to be happy.

I wish I had a cat.

poopatrators

There are three kinds of people in this world: people who give a shit, people who don't give a shit, and people who are too crazy to understand what the shit is and where they are supposed to put it. I'm not sure why, but I always end up around the last group of people... and it always feels like I'm their choice of potty.

FFUUUUUCCCCKKKK... WHY DOES IT ALWAYS MEAN "NOTHING" TO THEM? YOU ARE A CHEATING LYING BASTARD......

goodnight?

he's hiding something. not sure what it is yet... but call it girl's intuition. I smell insincerity.

bored outta ma mind

::sigh:: I work a lot. today is my one day off this week, and I have nothing fun to do. My boyfriend gets off work in about a half an hour, and hopefully we can go meet up with some friends or something. His friends that is, which are sort of my friends now, since i see them so often. My friends kind of suck. Not as people, but as friends. I can never make plans with them, cause either they're busy or they cancel. It makes me feel pretty shitty actually. but o well. I'm not writing for a pity party(especially not knowing the lack of people that read this. That's a pretty terrible party.) I'm writing cause I'm bored, and I don't wanna watch more tv on hulu cause I'll feel like a royal bum. I could go work out, but I'm very shy about it and i don't want my boyfriend's parents to think that I think that I'm fat or anything(though all 120 lbs of me does think I could use some muscle) ... o fuck it. it'll kill time. thanks for reading, no one.

bad days blown out of proportion is depression

Sometimes, other people's bad days make my good days bad days. And when sulk for caring about their bad days it makes their days worse days. So I try to keep positive, and pull them out of their bad days, but the only escape from a bad day is to believe it really isn't that bad... you got in a car accident... that's bad, but you weren't hurt, and you aren't gonna go broke. You lost at a video game... that's not even that bad... especially when you are playing someone who is at a whole other level than you are at that video game. That's like trying to fight a level 45 pokemon with a level 5... it won't end well for you, but at least you gained some experience. But it's nothing to frown over, just walk away and try again later.

poker night

Sometimes, it is terribly hard to know that my boyfriend has so many friends. He has people to hang out with every night. This would be great if I had any, I mean I have friends but I feel like I've built really lacking relationships with the people I was friends with in high school, because I see them and talk to them so infrequently. And, college friendships were a bit of a failure also, but that's a LONG story. I just feel really alone on poker night.